Nikki's Blog

IN SEARCH OF RETURN

2011-05-10T12:29:00.008-04:00

Your insidious ways finally choked my sky,

shielding the moonlight from carpeting the ground.

Left in total darkness with nary a star to guide me,

my hesitant feet and outstretched arms floundered.

Venturing on while smothering cries of near despair,

thoughts of you wove themselves through my mind.

No longer did I feel the ardency of your false words...

seeing the smile that was hideously twisted in its deceit.

Escape meant that I could return to what was known:

the solid footing I had before you obscured my terrain.

And I fiercely embraced the desire to find it again,

stumbling on through the absolute blackness.

Nikki

CHRISTMAS 2010

2010-10-05T14:28:00.009-04:00

I began to use paintings of mine for our family Christmas card some years back. There have been a variety of scenes or images I have painted and had printed on the cards - always with the theme being something that corresponds to our gorgeous winters or the wonderful Christmas season. Winkflash does a tremendous job of printing the cards, and the bonus is that I get to choose whatever I want the inside of the card to say.

Using watercolors and ink, this is the painting I did for this year's card.

So before Halloween and Thanksgiving have even arrived, I wish YOU a Merry Christmas!

SANCTUARY

2010-09-09T02:19:00.007-04:00

SANCTUARY

She reclines against the curve of the crescent moon
with her back nuzzling the smooth arch of the pale yellow
One of her legs slips over the edge, lazily swinging back and forth
until the toes on her delicate foot make contact with a star,
delightfully sending it streaking across the midnite sky
leaving a trail of glittering bits of stardust in its wake
The stretch of her smile brightens her softly illuminated face

She is completely at ease in the cradle of the indigo nite,
safely tucked away from the chaos of the world below
Basking in the solitude with time to explore the regions of her mind,
she gazes at the wide expanse of bedazzling nocturnal jewels
that she can catch and balance on the tip of a slender finger
before shooing them away with a puff from her pursed lips
This celestial abode is all hers for these treasured hours

©Nikki

TEMPORARY

2010-08-22T01:12:00.005-04:00

TEMPORARY

You
played the music
that I could finally hear
and supplied the nourishment
for my emaciated soul

You
touched my heart
and erased the wounds
that had marred it

You
nudged me to believe
and freed me from the fear
that had shrouded me

And then...

You left

©Nikki

QUIET AGONY

2010-06-01T23:21:00.004-04:00

QUIET AGONY

The crimson lips curved into a wide smile were a lie.

Friendly hugs and warm words were more falsehoods.

And so, the planned deception was complete.

But didn't anyone care enough to really look into my eyes...

and see the shattering pain I felt?

Nikki

EIGHT

2010-04-29T15:35:00.006-04:00

EIGHT

it was just the right age
when the wind was surely
strong enough to lift me skyward
and magazine ladies with parasols
were the epitome of a plush life

the entire world consisted of a mile
of charming houses and abundant flowers
familiarity was a comfort and a curse
the restlessness of wanderlust crept in
compelling me to try to meet the setting sun
instead opting for the safety of the known

i watched enthralled as mother painted her lips
and carefully slid silk stockings up her legs
the dangly earrings clipped to her ears
captivated me with their every sway

little girls like me wanted to be her

father was tall and strong and handsome
with his pressed suits and crisply tied ties
his scolding voice could jar me to my toes
yet his laughter and love were plentiful

little girls like me wanted to marry him

sisters were alternately loathed and cherished
the best of playmates and harshest of critics
a constant presence or annoyance in the house
but a welcome addition to neighborhood games
of kick the can and red rover and tag

it was just the right age of innocence and wonder
just the right time...
to be eight

~nikki~

DANCE OF THE DEMONS

2010-03-08T14:11:00.003-05:00

I am a dreamer. Whenever I sleep and be it for an hour or five, I dream. I suppose I should clarify that the dreams I have are NEVER pleasant ones. There is always pain, sadness, horror, or extreme melancholy attached to the vivid dreams. And I recall these dreams when I awaken. The feelings the particularly nightmarish ones bring to me often linger throughout the day.
I know when my dreams turned to this type. I know why they did. I do not know why they continue to chase me. Maybe I do not want to know.
This is my poem about these dreams.

Dance of the Demons
He stood beside the bed ever watchful
Her head lay comfortably on the pillow
Silken strands of hair splayed onto the bed
Sleep had overtaken her quickly for once
And in repose, her features had softened
The perfect portrait of contented slumber

Deception had again presented itself to him
The vile torments of her dreams were alive
Clawing at her mind relentlessly and painfully
The never-ending assault of unknown demons
Carrying on in glee at the distress they caused
Agonizing her when peacefulness was her wish

His brow grew furrowed as he moved closer
Her breathing was becoming more irregular
The slender fingers tightly grasping the sheet
That tranquil appearance on her face dashed
Replaced by twisted grimaces of raw despair
Agitation was palpable in the dark of the room

The phantasms continued their cruel shredding
Ripping into her brain with wild abandon
Planting the seeds of doubt and hopelessness
Perversely relishing the molestation of her reason
Thriving in the place they could not be touched
Their home without any rules or restraints

She clutched at the false safety of her covers
Trembling and gasping for much-needed air
In the cloudy realm between sleep and awake
Tears flowed in steady streams from clenched eyes
Hearing the drumming beat of a frightened heart
Watching a replay of the haunting images

He pulled her into the harbor of his strong arms
Providing solace and warmth to ease her anguish
Ever questioning the contents of her nightmares
Knowing the powerful havoc they wreak on her
The weight of the nitely occurrences she carries
And always aware of her determination to endure

Nikki

BRITTLE

2010-02-16T19:46:00.003-05:00

PANDEMONIUM

2010-01-23T02:15:00.004-05:00

PANDEMONIUM

I found a miniscule space

camouflaged by pandemonium

it was the precise size

for me to safely store my calm

I gave in to the chaos

and twirled with outstretched arms

the madness pushed and pulled

with startling relentlessness

stealing breath and balance

confusing my navigation

jumbled thoughts competed

with unflagging noise

blurred surroundings added

to the surreal atmosphere

staggering through the tangle

of colors and forms

I dropped to my knees

crawling recklessly

desperately seeking that secret place

where I left my tranquility

Nikki

TOUCH

2010-01-10T17:32:00.004-05:00

Yet another collaboration between Samarel and me. His digital art and my words.

WHEN

2009-12-15T05:45:00.002-05:00

CONSEQUENCES

2009-12-06T09:50:00.002-05:00

CONSEQUENCES

In that stutter of silence
when you find yourself abjectly alone,
does the rope of falsity within you untwist,
each strand morphing into a noose,
strangling your organs one at a time?
Is the tightening squeeze
of your duplicitous heart painful
and the slow crush of your brain
dizzying to your senses?
As your lungs are compressed,
do you clutch in vain at your chest?
Relief is dependent upon clarity,
recognizing the truth about yourself.
Choose denial and life continues,
but you are nothing more
than a dead man walking.

Nikki

TORMENT

2009-11-28T17:06:00.004-05:00

TORMENT

If I loosen my control
hemorrhaging the skulking sea of tears
will I be able to swim to safe ground
or will the ominous pull of the water
draw me down into its depths
a spiral that knows no end
until the increasing pressure
crushes, constricts me
and offers up only my soul

Nikki

THE BRICK WALL

2009-11-20T14:41:00.004-05:00

THE BRICK WALL

You seemed soft

Gentleness your hallmark

Tenderness beautifying your being

Light beaming on your smoothness

My fingertips glided along your exterior

Lightly touching the unblemished surface

Every contour caressed with delicacy

The silkiness filling me with serenity

You were a warm and loving cradle for me

Just as seasons change, so did you

Or maybe my fingers had grown calloused

Now finally rid of the hardened skin

Able to feel you with precision

Palms laid flat on your body

Fanning out to explore what I had known

My flesh bleeding from the rough texture

Crimson staining the brick you had become

A sanctuary no more, but a wall to avoid

Nikki

FLAME

2009-10-21T03:58:00.002-04:00

Sensuously swaying

atop the peak

each move dependent

upon the air

surrounding it

Multicolored heat

flickering and dimming

before sudden stillness

brings it to life again

straining skyward

Radiating quiet warmth

with its spiraling flame

licking at the source

of its existence

in a dance of need

A beacon in the dark

at the mercy

of the imperceptible

melody of a breeze

that carries its fragrance

An intoxicating coupling

bewitching and beguiling

the whim of the wind

teasing and tormenting

flaunting its control

©Nikki

AN EROTIC PURCHASE

2009-10-07T14:10:00.008-04:00

On Saturday, September 26, I was in Detroit, Michigan, and I attended an erotic art show called "Dirty Show." (dirtyshow.org) On display (aside from pasties on the topless women wandering around) were many pieces of artwork. Some creations were far more explicit than others, but I had to admire how clever and talented the majority of artists were. There was one painting I kept returning to. It simply captivated me in many ways.

By evening's end, I had purchased it. I could not take it home with me, because it had to remain on the wall until the end of the show's run. It would be shipped to me. And it arrived yesterday. The artist is Michele Parliament, and the painting is acrylic on paper...matted and framed under glass. I wish I could recall the title of it. All I remember was that it was "Cosmos-something" or "something-Cosmos." The size of it, with matte and frame, is 22" x 27".

I think it is beautiful, enticing, creative, and all-around pleasing to the eye. You will have to pretend that I took a decent photograph of it. ::grin::

STRIPPED BARE

2009-09-20T12:32:00.008-04:00

This is an oil painting I did that I titled "Meditation." I was looking at this photo of it (I sold the original) the other day, and I decided to pen some words to go with it. Oddly, what I wrote was quite different from what I felt while painting this. Guess that's just the way things go sometimes.

COMPLETE

2009-09-18T16:46:00.000-04:00

THE FAMILIAR STRANGER

2009-09-09T17:41:00.003-04:00

Ohhh yes, this IS what some of us women are thinking and feeling when...

THE FAMILIAR STRANGER

It is a bed of clouds
between sleep and awake
on which I recline
nestled into the softness
foggy thoughts blurring reality
silken touches traverse my flesh
lightly awakening my nipples
into tightened peaks of sensitivity
wisps of heated breath precede
the encircling of each tip
between moist, pursed lips
but you are unknown to me
the only clarity is my body's response
a damp mouth scatters kisses
peppering my torso with sparks
lower and lower until my legs yawn
masculine hands lift my spread thighs
gently raising me to your face
a serpentine tongue slithers forth
parting the quivering pink folds
wetly exploring my sex
before plunging deeply into me
my moans break the silence
in this trance-like place
holding you to me, urging you on
with twisting lunges of my hips
feeding your hunger and mine
closed eyes make you a stranger
one who delights in giving pleasure

*~Nikki~*

THIS FLOWER

2009-09-05T10:25:00.002-04:00

NEED

2009-09-02T23:07:00.002-04:00

Occasionally, I have collaborated with Samarel~his images with my words. This is one such example.

NEED

ODDLY AROUSING

2009-08-25T03:04:00.001-04:00

WEATHERED

2009-08-24T06:07:00.005-04:00

I began this poem about a week ago. Two lines into it, I stopped. Tucked it away. And then it was retrieved to complete.

WEATHERED

You are the wind and the tempest and the sun
All too capable of wreaking havoc upon me
Or choosing to cover me in a blanket of warmth

I have weathered your stormy barrages of passion
Always returning to you out of a need to feel
Knowing you might be my safe haven for a time

But even your sunshine has blistered my body
The scorching pain of the burn radiating to my soul
And I plead for solace from the agony

It comes in the form of rain slicing through my flesh
Effortlessly splintering my bones into mere shards
Left bruised and wounded-yet still beating-is my heart

The lone reminder that I even exist

©Nikki