IN SEARCH OF RETURN

Your insidious ways finally choked my sky,

shielding the moonlight from carpeting the ground.

Left in total darkness with nary a star to guide me,

my hesitant feet and outstretched arms floundered.

Venturing on while smothering cries of near despair,

thoughts of you wove themselves through my mind.

No longer did I feel the ardency of your false words...

seeing the smile that was hideously twisted in its deceit.

Escape meant that I could return to what was known:

the solid footing I had before you obscured my terrain.

And I fiercely embraced the desire to find it again,

stumbling on through the absolute blackness.

Nikki

CHRISTMAS 2010

I began to use paintings of mine for our family Christmas card some years back. There have been a variety of scenes or images I have painted and had printed on the cards - always with the theme being something that corresponds to our gorgeous winters or the wonderful Christmas season. Winkflash does a tremendous job of printing the cards, and the bonus is that I get to choose whatever I want the inside of the card to say.

Using watercolors and ink, this is the painting I did for this year's card.

So before Halloween and Thanksgiving have even arrived, I wish YOU a Merry Christmas!

SANCTUARY

SANCTUARY

She reclines against the curve of the crescent moon
with her back nuzzling the smooth arch of the pale yellow
One of her legs slips over the edge, lazily swinging back and forth
until the toes on her delicate foot make contact with a star,
delightfully sending it streaking across the midnite sky
leaving a trail of glittering bits of stardust in its wake
The stretch of her smile brightens her softly illuminated face

She is completely at ease in the cradle of the indigo nite,
safely tucked away from the chaos of the world below
Basking in the solitude with time to explore the regions of her mind,
she gazes at the wide expanse of bedazzling nocturnal jewels
that she can catch and balance on the tip of a slender finger
before shooing them away with a puff from her pursed lips
This celestial abode is all hers for these treasured hours

©Nikki

TEMPORARY

TEMPORARY

You
played the music
that I could finally hear
and supplied the nourishment
for my emaciated soul

You
touched my heart
and erased the wounds
that had marred it

You
nudged me to believe
and freed me from the fear
that had shrouded me

And then...

You left


©Nikki

QUIET AGONY

QUIET AGONY

The crimson lips curved into a wide smile were a lie.

Friendly hugs and warm words were more falsehoods.

And so, the planned deception was complete.

But didn't anyone care enough to really look into my eyes...

and see the shattering pain I felt?

Nikki

EIGHT

EIGHT

it was just the right age
when the wind was surely
strong enough to lift me skyward
and magazine ladies with parasols
were the epitome of a plush life

the entire world consisted of a mile
of charming houses and abundant flowers
familiarity was a comfort and a curse
the restlessness of wanderlust crept in
compelling me to try to meet the setting sun
instead opting for the safety of the known

i watched enthralled as mother painted her lips
and carefully slid silk stockings up her legs
the dangly earrings clipped to her ears
captivated me with their every sway

little girls like me wanted to be her

father was tall and strong and handsome
with his pressed suits and crisply tied ties
his scolding voice could jar me to my toes
yet his laughter and love were plentiful

little girls like me wanted to marry him

sisters were alternately loathed and cherished
the best of playmates and harshest of critics
a constant presence or annoyance in the house
but a welcome addition to neighborhood games
of kick the can and red rover and tag

it was just the right age of innocence and wonder
just the right time...
to be eight

~nikki~

DANCE OF THE DEMONS

I am a dreamer. Whenever I sleep and be it for an hour or five, I dream. I suppose I should clarify that the dreams I have are NEVER pleasant ones. There is always pain, sadness, horror, or extreme melancholy attached to the vivid dreams. And I recall these dreams when I awaken. The feelings the particularly nightmarish ones bring to me often linger throughout the day.

I know when my dreams turned to this type. I know why they did. I do not know why they continue to chase me. Maybe I do not want to know.

This is my poem about these dreams.

Dance of the Demons

He stood beside the bed ever watchful

Her head lay comfortably on the pillow

Silken strands of hair splayed onto the bed

Sleep had overtaken her quickly for once

And in repose, her features had softened

The perfect portrait of contented slumber

Deception had again presented itself to him

The vile torments of her dreams were alive

Clawing at her mind relentlessly and painfully

The never-ending assault of unknown demons

Carrying on in glee at the distress they caused

Agonizing her when peacefulness was her wish

His brow grew furrowed as he moved closer

Her breathing was becoming more irregular

The slender fingers tightly grasping the sheet

That tranquil appearance on her face dashed

Replaced by twisted grimaces of raw despair

Agitation was palpable in the dark of the room

The phantasms continued their cruel shredding

Ripping into her brain with wild abandon

Planting the seeds of doubt and hopelessness

Perversely relishing the molestation of her reason

Thriving in the place they could not be touched

Their home without any rules or restraints

She clutched at the false safety of her covers

Trembling and gasping for much-needed air

In the cloudy realm between sleep and awake

Tears flowed in steady streams from clenched eyes

Hearing the drumming beat of a frightened heart

Watching a replay of the haunting images

He pulled her into the harbor of his strong arms

Providing solace and warmth to ease her anguish

Ever questioning the contents of her nightmares

Knowing the powerful havoc they wreak on her

The weight of the nitely occurrences she carries

And always aware of her determination to endure

Nikki

BRITTLE

PANDEMONIUM

PANDEMONIUM

I found a miniscule space

camouflaged by pandemonium

it was the precise size

for me to safely store my calm

I gave in to the chaos

and twirled with outstretched arms

the madness pushed and pulled

with startling relentlessness

stealing breath and balance

confusing my navigation

jumbled thoughts competed

with unflagging noise

blurred surroundings added

to the surreal atmosphere

staggering through the tangle

of colors and forms

I dropped to my knees

crawling recklessly

desperately seeking that secret place

where I left my tranquility

Nikki

TOUCH

Yet another collaboration between Samarel and me. His digital art and my words.